I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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