After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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