"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
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