hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
