I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize