i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
