Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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