I will die if light touches me.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
