she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
