Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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