I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Randomize
