"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
