im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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