I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
he high fived his dick after we had sex
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
