A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize