How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Everclear isn't food dammit
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
