I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize