Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
My cat gives me a boner
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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