It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
