Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
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