I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
