Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
the day after is always just damage control
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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