a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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