Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
