I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
