Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
