My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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