Small penises have feelings too.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
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