Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Randomize
