we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
