I will die if light touches me.
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Randomize
