It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
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