My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
