remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
