First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
