A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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