I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
