my mouth tastes like poor choices
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
