When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Randomize
