is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Randomize
