this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
