My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
