The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
