Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
