he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Randomize
