my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
