I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
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