I think I died a long time ago.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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