we made out on top of his cat.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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