doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
