I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
