have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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