I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
