Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Randomize
