awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
