We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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