Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
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