I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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