and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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