we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Randomize
