The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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