Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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