She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Randomize
