Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
