You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
