How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
