if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
