No more Irish car bombs ever.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
