You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
