i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Randomize