Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
