Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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