Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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